Oh, but ain't that America, for you and me, ain't that America somethin' to see baby

Ain't that America home of the free, little pink houses for you and me...

Well, apparently not for me.

CAUTION: I plan to complain within the pages of this blog. If you don't want to hear about it, please don't waste your time reading it. I'm going to take on a Poor Pitiful Me persona and be completely dramatic.

I've been searching for a place to live for only the last month, but it feels like it has been an eternity. I find myself becoming extremely discouraged with what we've been presented by way of purchasing our first house. I know our budget isn't super high. I know that whatever we buy will need some work. But is it really necessary to show me total and complete shit and then stick a $90,000 price tag on it? In addition, is it necessary that the majority of the houses that aren't shit and within our price range have to be un-workable for my family?  

For those of you living in cities, let me explain something-where I come from real estate is cheap. A house that would cost $500,000 in California *might* sell for $50,000 or $60,000 in this area. A house that would sell for $200,000 in St. Louis might sell for $80,000. That's why so many people move down here from the east and west coasts. They see a house that they could never afford where they're living and start foaming at the mouth. 

Besides, isn't this supposed to be a buyer's market?

All of this is compounded by the fact that the ONE house I found that we could afford, was in a great neighborhood, had a fantastic fenced in yard, and we loved went under contract the very day we decided to make an offer (which, by the way, was less than 24 hours after we'd viewed it). I looked at 2 houses yesterday, and although I really liked one of them, it is in front of a really busy road and doesn't have much of a yard. The busy road wouldn't bother me so much if there was more of a yard to fence. We could have a privacy fence put in, but I don't know if there is enough room. And I'd never forgive myself if the baby or one of the dogs got out into the street.

The second house we looked at was total shit. I mean TOTAL shit. The sad thing is that the backyard was amazing. I had high hopes for this one. It had a HUGE yard with a privacy fence and deck. I think they spent more $ on the backyard than on the rest of the house.

I know I haven't been looking for very long. I know that. I also know that something will eventually come up. But I have only until the end of September to find a place. Full-time work starts next week, and I've still got summer class responsibilities up here. So I'll be driving back and forth until the end of classes and/or until we find a place to live. That doesn't leave me much time during the week to search, which is even more pressure.

Selfishly, I'd like to find a place BEFORE the end of September so we can get moved (or at least start working on it)and I can have my husband and my dogs with me. I don't want my husband to miss entire months of my pregnancy, and I don't want to leave him in our old house with all the daily responsibilities (like having 5 dogs) with absolutely no help.

I will say this, however-I have an amazing bunch of people out there searching, searching, searching for us. They're working their asses off, and my frustration is certainly NOT directed at them. They're doing a fantastic job and I truly appreciate the help.

Oh, John Cougar. Where are you when I need you?

It's A....

It's a BOY!! And because I'm totally opposed to putting pictures of my unborn child's "dinkus" (my mother-in-law's word for it) all over the internet, I'm going to post a picture of baby Jude Ritter sucking his thumb.

Today has been a good day.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember...

Always remember...

Tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby. By this time tomorrow night, I'll either be calling him "Jude" or her "Lucy." I'm excited to finally be able to attach a name to the child growing inside of me.

And growing he/she is! I feel 100% more pregnant than I felt even 2 weeks ago! I feel it most just after I eat. It seems like whatever goes into my mouth just sits like a brick in my stomach...and it never leaves.

Sorry for the long pause in between updates (because I know you were all on the edges of your seats). We were gone for a week on vacation and then I lazed around for a couple days. I've done nothing productive since we got home on Friday. I thought I would have to work tonight as a substitute for another teacher who was having surgery, but apparently he is already back at work. I don't have to go into work until Wed. Hopefully, this extra time will give me a chance to get some packing or at least organizing done before I have to be down in Arkansas to start work on the 16th. The good news is that I can live with my parents while my husband and I are searching for a house and he finishes up his responsibility to his job. It will not be like in 2008 when I moved for work and ended up living in the Motel 6 for three weeks because I had no place to live and no family/friends within a 400 mile radius.

Just me and the doglets in room 228.

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

Vacation, had to get away...

I might have gotten some rather unsavory genes from my mother's side of the family (small boobs and huge ass) but I got some really great qualities as well. I have always been a people person. People seem to like me most of the time, and I'm good at perceiving what others need. I'm good at sensing feelings and I can talk to and mesh with just about anyone. I get this from my grandfather. Everybody loved him.

Especially me.

But once in a while I become impatient with people. This really is rare, especially when it comes to people I work with or for. Even if I'm feeling impatient I try not to show it. I think this is one reason I work well with developmental students. I am patient, kind, and I don't treat them like they are stupid--because they're not.

However, there are a few people who come into the center that I become impatient with as soon as they walk through the door. Just looking at them grates on my nerves, and it is all I can do just to smile and comply. Seriously, it is all I can do. Today I'm having one of those generally impatient days and being here is not helping me at all. And it's my last day! You'd think I'd be more than happy to help out, especially knowing that I'll never have to do it again.

But no. I'm Bitchy McGee.

My husband and I are leaving tonight to head down to my parent's house. We're leaving with them on vacation tomorrow. We usually go to the beach for vacation, but with the oil spill we cancelled our reservations and are going to North Carolina instead. We have a cabin in the mountains for a whole week. I'm elated. I've never been there before.

I still have so much to do before we can leave. Almost all the laundry is done, but I still need to do most of the packing, we need more dog food, and I really ought to clean out my car. Last summer I didn't have a job, so I basically hung out all day. For this reason, the house was always clean, and I was packed like, three days before we left. I'm not quite as on top of it this year. And I SWEAR this is no excuse, but I tire so easily since I've been pregnant! Like, last night I was folding laundry, and I had to sit down half way through it! I get tired in the shower! How does this happen? I realize I'm supporting two lives right now,but I just can't believe it could make me this tired!

I think today I'll blame my impatience on the baby.

Are you just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

Well, that's alright because I like the way it hurts...

Rihanna+Eminem=AWESOMENESS. I know I've said this about various songs before, but I so would have felt this song two summers ago. SO would have felt it.

Wanna hear (read, I guess) something ironic? Sure you do.

So my husband's boss has been in town for the last few days because they're having problems with a couple of the machines at the lab. My husband's boss is a nice man, but he and I don't see eye to eye on many things. Our main point of contingency is that he thinks we have too many dogs. He was staying at our place when my husband and I came home from our honeymoon, and I walked in to find our dogs locked out of the house in the backyard. 

That was the last time he stayed with us.

One day this week my husband and his boss were talking about the baby and our plans, etc, etc. His boss told him that it wasn't "sanitary" to have that many dogs around the baby. He said we'd probably need to "get rid of" a few and that it was the responsible thing to do...you know, so our kid doesn't get worms.

Of course, I was indignant when I heard this. How dare he talk about what's best for my family and to suggest that our dogs were so "dirty" as to give our baby worms. Besides, I scoffed, 99% of the time worms are not passed from dog to human.

Animals that get worms are kind of like people who get head lice. People who have chronic head lice are probably not living in the most sanitary conditions, and they're only treating themselves for the condition and not their entire house. Sometimes even the cleanest people get head lice, they just had the misfortune of being in close quarters with others who have it or happen to put on a ball cap that too many random people have worn. It's the same thing with worms--dogs can get worms even if they're healthy. Sometimes it just happens. Two summers ago one of my foster dogs got tape worms. Dogs can get tape worms from several different ways (flea larvae, eating lizards and rodents, etc), and it is contagious among dogs, so if one of your dogs has it, you've got to treat them all just as a preventative measure. I had to treat my dogs twice during the summer of 2008. My dogs haven't had worms or anything else wrong with them since (except maybe an ear infection or two).

And then last night I discover that Helen has tape worms.

DING! Round one goes to my husband's boss.

Why can't you be someone looking deeper into me?

Like J.D. Salinger...

If you've been reading my blog for any legnth of time, you've probably noticed I have a slight obsession with pin up girls. I've always wanted to be one (even a pregnant one!). I think that's why the Suicide Girls always appealed to me. Their sets are very reminiscent of the 1940's pin up girls. Too bad you have to be totally nude to be one. I would have sent in my application long ago had that not been the case.

I feel like I've been avoiding my blog out of sheer laziness. I just haven't had the energy to update. Over the last week some big changes have taken place (remember what I wrote about in my last blog?). I guess not talking about it did the trick, because last Wednesday after I updated I was offered a full-time teaching gig at a college close to my hometown. My husband and I had been expressing our desire to move back down south (and by "south" I mean just barely--Southern Missouri) ever since we moved to the STL area over a year ago. After I got pregnant we decided we'd try to make a move sometime after the baby was born if I could get a job. But then this job opened up and I applied on a whim....and got hired!

So now we're in the process of trying to find a house and starting new jobs...it is a process I'm deeply familiar with. I've lived in 5 different houses (this move will make 6) since 2007. I've moved to 6 different cities. I'm tired of moving, and the hope is that this will be one of the last moves we'll ever have to make...at least, one of the last BIG moves.

I'm so, so, so excited, but at the same time weary at the thought of my life being in upheaval once again. It seems as if I'm one of those people who is never settled. And dammit--I'm ready to be settled! 

This is, however, one of the best things that could have happened to my little family. We're truly thrilled at the opportunity we've been given. My husband can go back to school and finish his education, our baby will be closer to his/her grandparents, and I won't have to teach four night classes a week just to make ends meet! The thought is lovely.

Have you ever had the feeling that you're on the cusp of something? Just on the verge of beginning what will be the rest of your life? Well, that's how I feel right now. I had that feeling once before when I moved to Helena. And I was right.

We'll see where this latest feeling thoroughfare leads us.

Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose...

Won't you let me go down in my dreams. Rock-a-bye sweet Baby James...

I went to the dr. yesterday for my monthly check-up. Everything is going well, which is what I always like to hear. I like to know that I'm "normal" for a change. The baby has a super strong heartbeat of 154. Last time the heartbeat was there, but it was more of a whirring and muffled sound. Like it was coming through a pillow. This time, however, that heartbeat was LOUD. It was one of the most amazing experiences in my life. I cannot even grasp the fact that my body is supporting two heartbeats at this very second.

We'll find out the sex on August 3rd.

One of my friends asked me yesterday if I was starting to feel pregnant. When I answered, "Yes," she said, "Good, cuz you're starting to look it."

Sometimes I don't feel old enough to be having a baby. Of course then I realize that I'm actually 28 and not 18, but the thought still freaks me out a little. Yesterday at the dr.'s office, a woman came in with her 4 year old daughter. This little girl had the most beautiful long, brown hair. But instead of thinking about how cute she was, all I could think was, "Oh God. Her mom has to wash and dry her hair all the time. That must be such a pain in the ass." And then I started worrying about all the things I'm going to have to learn how to do, and worrying that I'll forget to do them. Like, what If I forget that this baby needs a bath more often than my dogs? What if I forget to feed him/her? What if they're sick and I don't realize it? What if I don't know the right stages to teach certain things and my kid is like 4 and non-verbal and not potty trained? What if I fail at dicipline and my kid is a holy terror?

What if I suck at being a mom?

I'm sure that many of these thoughts are normal for a new mom-to-be. And I appreciate the fact that everyone seems to think I'm okay to raise a child. But I couldn't keep some of these thoughts from creeping in while sitting inside a small office surrounded by other pregnant women. I mean, it seems like there ought to be a test before you can conceive or something. You've got to apply to adopt a dog, but all you gotta do is let some guy climb on top of you to have a kid. 

Sure, deny me from working at McDonald's because I have bad credit, but you can't stop me from squeezing out another baby!!!

And then there is that whole pesky issue lurking in the back of my mind..."What if I lose my identity by having a child?" I know that's a selfish thought, but part of the reason I was always so hesitant to have children is because I didn't want to lose my creativity. I didn't want to give up animal rescue. I didn't want to spend my nights watching Barny & Friends. I didn't want to give up my own life. 

I've never been scared to try anything in my whole life, even when people told me I was making a mistake. For this reason, my creativity has never suffered. I've always had something to write about. There is nothing on my To Do List that I haven't done that I wanted to do before having a child. I've graduated from college twice, I've traveled overseas, I've moved away from home, I've gotten married, I've written a book (or two) and even had some things published...I've basically lived my life just the way I wanted to live it. What kind of a hypocrite would I be if I was too scared to have a baby? 

What kind of an adventure would I be missing? What kind of stories would never be written? It seems like the only way I'd be stifling my creativity is by NOT having a child.

Besides, I'm fairly certain that there are some interesting changes headed my way. I'm not going to write about it just yet, because I don't want to jinx it. But hopefully I'll have something exciting to announce by the end of the week. Keep your fingers crossed (and if you're pregnant, ask that baby to cross his/her fingers as well) that everything will work out

.